Chapter 123: H. Father

H. Father,

I'm penning down my thoughts to you, for now. I'm not very good at speaking my thoughts out, so I'm writing this specially to you. This is my prayer and letter to you.

I want to thank you for listening to my every word. You allowed me to understand your love even more. You made a way to places, and showed me your answers. It means too much to me.

H. Father, I'm approaching the last days of my final year project at Nanyang Polytechnic. In me, I know that there is a long road ahead. In me, I know I should not worry. You said you would take care of what I would need in your plans. But everytime I'm awake just before I take my rest for the night, even when the work for the day is done, I cannot help but think of the future, and knowing that it will come. Time after time, you told me to be strong, and you reinforced the message once again. H. Father, I pray that you will break these limits within me. I pray that you will remove these doubts and grasps of fear and silence within me.

H. Father, as I approach the last days, my journey has been fraught with bumps over and over again. I thank you for sending Joseph, Joshua, Sumit, Wei Keat, Guo Wei and many names I may not recall for now. I thank you for sending me to Campus Crusade, to FCBC, and to Trinity.

H. Father, the attacks of the devil seem relentless, but your shield has always been standing there, a shield of faith and love.

I have released terrible acts of sins, even as far as blasphemy, reviling and wrath. Yet, as I asked for forgiveness and to repent, by your grace, I was saved.

H. Father, I still face bumps even now. I'm being pushed to the walls by the demands of my supervisor. My father doesn't let me have any rest even I reached home, sometimes driving me to the brink of lowering your shield and letting wrath consume me. H. Father, in me, I know you have plans for me, and that you put me in Nanyang Polytechnic, in this particular course for a reason.

Did you remember that time when I was angry and upset with myself, how I committed acts of blasphemy that even as of now I regret? I struggled with unhappiness and thoughts of destruction as I was pushed towards a new field and a new season. At times, as I got stuck in an FYP field and situation which I saw nothing but hatred and negativity, evil got hold of me and made me think of destruction of everything around me, even of destruction within myself.

Yet, you saved me once again, and provided me with what I needed to still be here today, writing this prayer. You reminded me of your love, time and time again.

I have reached a time when I am uncertain of the future you promised. I am not even sure if I can even be of any use to you. This life I hold, I do not know how to express it well, but maybe I was not meant to study life sciences at all.

H. Father, I pray that if this it true, make the path for me to move through. I pray that if this is but a false thought produced by the devil, that you will provide me with the strength and resolve to rebuke him and his lies, that you will break the chains and limits binding my mind.

H. Father, I pray that you will be there, to ensure I do not allow my wrath to consume me.

In the warm, sweet name of Jesus,
Amen.

Chapter 122: Bursting With Love and Desire For God

My God has delivered me from the grasp of silence and unhappiness on my heart. With Him on the throne, as I lived solely for His glory, I drew the resolve and strength I ever needed in all that I did.

The journey of my FYP was something I thought to be pointless and hardly beneficial. I thought I was suffering, but in actual fact, all the illusion of sufferings hid what God had planned for me. I thought all this work was idiotic. I thought my enemies would stand eternal in victory and prosperity. As I wrote my report, I realised that there was such an abundance of knowledge I did not realised I had received. Not only did I gain better understanding of things I used to simply memorise for short term goals, but I learnt many things that lecture notes had never stated. These included practical skills, strategies and tactics.

When the schedule seemed impossible, somehow, by His grace, I overcame it all and progressed further than I had ever imagined.

He healed me when I was down. He kept my fire burning.

Though satan's attacks were relentless, His shield stood eternal. He removed the burdens and doubts, and broke the strangling chains of human limits.

Seek His heart in all that is done, and rebuke every attack from the devil. Dedicate everything, even the past, present and future to Him. The devil has no room or right at all. Clothe yourself in humbleness before the Lord.

Everyday, I want my love and desire for Him to grow even more.

What more is there for me to have any doubt? He has removed them.

Chapter 121: ... Of All the Nerve

Lost Chapter. Closed.

Chapter 120: What Can I Do But Shut Up

Lost Chapter. Closed.

Chapter 119: I Don't Care

That's it. Simple and clear-cut, I'm not going to talk too much. There is no God, and it's all plain rubbish meant to enslave people, invented by the western community to keep other 'inferior' people in check.

Disclaimer: This is all in my own humble opinion. It might not be accurate. It is bias to at least some extent.

Chapter 118: I'm Throwing Everything In

This is it. I know it is said that I should never test you, but I'm beginning to think I was hoodwinked into all this. Many things do not add up, but I do not care.

This is official. If you exist, show me a miracle, and I'll reconsider everything I have ever thought or said. And I mean a true miracle, that I can not explain on my own in any way possible.

If not, than I can never have a connection with something that cannot trust me that much.

Chapter 117: Convinced

Throughout my FYP, I have been thoroughly convinced of many things. First up, who ever said that maintaining good grades would lead to better work was an idiot, and a liar who ought to be tied down and shot a million times.

Secondly, the same person who came up with the concept of hard work and perseverance probably invented the concept of convincing naive people into slavery.

In summary, it's all bull feces created by slavemaster tyrants.

And there happen to be couple of people whom I would be glad to harm if not for CCTV cameras, laws and an irritating conscience (Another invention by slavedrivers, I'm sure).