Have we not ever wanted three wishes to be fufilled in our lives? Well, I do. Three things I want the most.
Courage. The courage to stand up against my own fears and the nerve needed to come out of my safety lines. I want the courage so I can do what is needed for me to change my life for the better. I just want this courage so badly. It would be even better if I had this courage a long time ago.
Strength. The strength to overcome anything. Without power, what good are my thoughts and effort? I can just push forward with all the ideals, but without the strength, it is all worthless. I depise my lack of strength. It stops me from ever reaching the goal. No matter how much effort put in, I can never gain this true strength. I despise this weakness and I want the strength to overcome it so badly.
Foresight. The foresight needed to see beyond the metaphysical world. The ability to see the truth. I dislike wandering around, being blinded by false illusions. Wandering around so long. I want true sight.
Until then.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Chapter 39: Beneath the Surface
A long time ago, there existed a city that looked so clean. Well, at least it looked clean. They seemed to perfect, even foreigners and strangers respected it.
Hey, they have educational institutes of great reputation, and look after the citizen's health perfectly, for instance, discouraging smoking and heavily imposing tax on it.
But, shall we dig in a little further?
Take a certain well-know boy's secondary school for example. I believe that place has been said to be an excellent learning hub, being one of the best quality schools available.
But have we ever listened to the views of all the students within, and I mean all, not just choosing a selected few, or 'randomly picking' a few from a limited chosen group, or from students who happened to be conveniently nearby for questioning.
Funny how they had managed to hide articles of the school gangs, cowardly and unworthy teachers and principals, and silenced students.
Even their cheating in examinations is straightforward. Just a possibility, but I wonder if that is a great strategy for keeping up their school's academic reputation, where the teachers do not even do anything effective enough.
Not to mention the illegal dealing of drugs and cigarettes. Even the authorities are plain incompetent here.
In other words, this place is nothing but a paper house, the kinds you see at a chinese styled funeral. Looks good on the outside, but I am sure you can guess its strength and durability.
Is this world even worth caring for, and trusting? A person onced said that a few drops of oil does not mean the whole ocean is affected, but let me say something to this with all due respect. If we do not do anything, then the oil will simply spread, and than nothing will be left. Which is what we are doing.
If I am stopped from doing anything to help, due to their pathetic excuses and false pretences, than what?
Until then.
Hey, they have educational institutes of great reputation, and look after the citizen's health perfectly, for instance, discouraging smoking and heavily imposing tax on it.
But, shall we dig in a little further?
Take a certain well-know boy's secondary school for example. I believe that place has been said to be an excellent learning hub, being one of the best quality schools available.
But have we ever listened to the views of all the students within, and I mean all, not just choosing a selected few, or 'randomly picking' a few from a limited chosen group, or from students who happened to be conveniently nearby for questioning.
Funny how they had managed to hide articles of the school gangs, cowardly and unworthy teachers and principals, and silenced students.
Even their cheating in examinations is straightforward. Just a possibility, but I wonder if that is a great strategy for keeping up their school's academic reputation, where the teachers do not even do anything effective enough.
Not to mention the illegal dealing of drugs and cigarettes. Even the authorities are plain incompetent here.
In other words, this place is nothing but a paper house, the kinds you see at a chinese styled funeral. Looks good on the outside, but I am sure you can guess its strength and durability.
Is this world even worth caring for, and trusting? A person onced said that a few drops of oil does not mean the whole ocean is affected, but let me say something to this with all due respect. If we do not do anything, then the oil will simply spread, and than nothing will be left. Which is what we are doing.
If I am stopped from doing anything to help, due to their pathetic excuses and false pretences, than what?
Until then.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Chapter 38: And All the World's a Rage
Good day, as I pen down more of my thoughts for memory's sake (Although what good will it bring).
Maybe I am a bit of a pessimist, as some may put it, but somehow, I see this world as a place of hardship and chaos. In a way, hardship drives us forward if we respond correctly, but on the other hand, this test of responses and effects can wipe out millions into devastation. Whether it is worth it or not, I suppose it is all in the eye of the beholder, as is with almost anything, both truth and lies, in my opinion.
'Will you continues believing in a truth, if it is a lie?' is a question I deem ridiculous in it's sense. Even the topic of whether it is deemed ridiculous or not lies in the eye of the beholder. I do not think there is an absolute truth. I think what we see as the absolute truth, is a result of the culture and society we grew up around, and the government control over the media and land. Not that the effect is immediate, but it gradually grows in influence.
I cannot see the world to be simple, because I choose not to. I see it as a complex network, because I believe it to the truth in my own eyes. They say whether there are complexities depends on whether you see them, and I choose to believe that.
On the other hand, while I do have my own ideals, I understand and respect the ideals of others, and see no point in changing them, as it will do me no good, and I cannot take away this very part of them. Even if I remove the present, the past will always remain.
To me, everybody wants to find a place they can call their home, or their own world. They want a place where they can be happy, simple as that.
I want a place where I can be truly happy too.
But changing the world to our absolute needs and desires, is never the solution. If we do this, there will always be a winner, and a loser. At the end of each day, one side ends up weeping in defeat, while the other cheers in victory.
And in this way, nothing but chaos and rage fills me.
Perhaps, the way to true happiness, is to change our ownselves. Not completely until we lose our true identity and origin, but to an extent where we can acheive what we really want with disrupting our surroundings, including the people around us.
Maybe that is what I want to. Maybe that is what will make me happy. Finding a way to true harmony.
Until then.
Maybe I am a bit of a pessimist, as some may put it, but somehow, I see this world as a place of hardship and chaos. In a way, hardship drives us forward if we respond correctly, but on the other hand, this test of responses and effects can wipe out millions into devastation. Whether it is worth it or not, I suppose it is all in the eye of the beholder, as is with almost anything, both truth and lies, in my opinion.
'Will you continues believing in a truth, if it is a lie?' is a question I deem ridiculous in it's sense. Even the topic of whether it is deemed ridiculous or not lies in the eye of the beholder. I do not think there is an absolute truth. I think what we see as the absolute truth, is a result of the culture and society we grew up around, and the government control over the media and land. Not that the effect is immediate, but it gradually grows in influence.
I cannot see the world to be simple, because I choose not to. I see it as a complex network, because I believe it to the truth in my own eyes. They say whether there are complexities depends on whether you see them, and I choose to believe that.
On the other hand, while I do have my own ideals, I understand and respect the ideals of others, and see no point in changing them, as it will do me no good, and I cannot take away this very part of them. Even if I remove the present, the past will always remain.
To me, everybody wants to find a place they can call their home, or their own world. They want a place where they can be happy, simple as that.
I want a place where I can be truly happy too.
But changing the world to our absolute needs and desires, is never the solution. If we do this, there will always be a winner, and a loser. At the end of each day, one side ends up weeping in defeat, while the other cheers in victory.
And in this way, nothing but chaos and rage fills me.
Perhaps, the way to true happiness, is to change our ownselves. Not completely until we lose our true identity and origin, but to an extent where we can acheive what we really want with disrupting our surroundings, including the people around us.
Maybe that is what I want to. Maybe that is what will make me happy. Finding a way to true harmony.
Until then.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Chapter 37: Just Listen
Another day, another post. Well, not really everyday, but these days I have a couple of thoughts I need to pen down so they will not be lost forever.
Sitting down, looking at my surroundings, I wonder. Do people really ever sit down just to listen, or just to think, even for a little while. How many of you actually take some time, using a hundred percent effort to think? Or even respect something enough to spare your brain cells for a while? It's not that hard, and it really benefits you.
It does not have to a complicated world issue, maybe just something you see, or a headline. Or better yet, what you say and what you do. How many of you simply spit out vulgar language without thinking through, just because you think it is the end of the world, and you suffered too harshly to even care? Have you ever given a thought before throwing food onto the ground? You may think it's tiring to think thnings through, but sooner or later, these behaviours develop into a habit, like a daily ritual.
Have you ever thought about your own self-respect? Do you really enjoy looking like a monkey while yelling or screaming, jumping up and down? It is true that apes have more chromosomes than humans, but, I do not really want to look like one, since I enjoy being a human.
Do you think others like it when you whine in your whining voice almost the whole day? Please, even if you do not want to respect yourself, which I can understand, at least pretend to for the sake of being considerate to others.
Open your eyes, listen with your ears, its kind of helpful. And the whole world does not revolve around you. Think about it. If everyone thought of themselves in that sense, than the whole world would spin out of control, into chaos.
Stop, think, listen, and smell the flowers.
Until then.
Sitting down, looking at my surroundings, I wonder. Do people really ever sit down just to listen, or just to think, even for a little while. How many of you actually take some time, using a hundred percent effort to think? Or even respect something enough to spare your brain cells for a while? It's not that hard, and it really benefits you.
It does not have to a complicated world issue, maybe just something you see, or a headline. Or better yet, what you say and what you do. How many of you simply spit out vulgar language without thinking through, just because you think it is the end of the world, and you suffered too harshly to even care? Have you ever given a thought before throwing food onto the ground? You may think it's tiring to think thnings through, but sooner or later, these behaviours develop into a habit, like a daily ritual.
Have you ever thought about your own self-respect? Do you really enjoy looking like a monkey while yelling or screaming, jumping up and down? It is true that apes have more chromosomes than humans, but, I do not really want to look like one, since I enjoy being a human.
Do you think others like it when you whine in your whining voice almost the whole day? Please, even if you do not want to respect yourself, which I can understand, at least pretend to for the sake of being considerate to others.
Open your eyes, listen with your ears, its kind of helpful. And the whole world does not revolve around you. Think about it. If everyone thought of themselves in that sense, than the whole world would spin out of control, into chaos.
Stop, think, listen, and smell the flowers.
Until then.
Chapter 36: The 'Impossible'
No one has ever achieve this for as long as I can remember, yet I am willing to go against 'fate' as well as the odds.
After all, I am no more than just one speck of protein in the whole universe that I have yet to see.
And even, then, after all that I have seen, what makes me think I have an actual chance of this?
I know I will not put up much of a fight, as seen from so many previous failures.
I know I do not have the strength nor the capability that others before me have.
All I have is myself, my desire to try, and my basic right as a challenger.
But I cannot even explain the reason to my own self. I just know that I have to. Maybe it is similar to how I know when one is lying or speaking the truth immediately?
Maybe so.
I never liked to talk, because I never saw the sense or logic of it. After all, it is enough so long as we can get the results and put in the efforts and actions, is it not? I guess that is just how I see it.
So, I suppose there is no longer any need for words now.
Until then.
After all, I am no more than just one speck of protein in the whole universe that I have yet to see.
And even, then, after all that I have seen, what makes me think I have an actual chance of this?
I know I will not put up much of a fight, as seen from so many previous failures.
I know I do not have the strength nor the capability that others before me have.
All I have is myself, my desire to try, and my basic right as a challenger.
But I cannot even explain the reason to my own self. I just know that I have to. Maybe it is similar to how I know when one is lying or speaking the truth immediately?
Maybe so.
I never liked to talk, because I never saw the sense or logic of it. After all, it is enough so long as we can get the results and put in the efforts and actions, is it not? I guess that is just how I see it.
So, I suppose there is no longer any need for words now.
Until then.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Chapter 35: Standing Back
Well, it is the end of another usual uneventful week here. And from tomorrow on is my study break.
Also, it's just another one of the days where I feel the need to record my thoughts down before I forget them, like almost everything else after I am done with them. Which is usually everyday.
Okay, high time I stopped confusing everyone around with my long, seemingly meaniningless words.
And time I got straight to the point.
Ever since I do not know when (What useful details I provide), whenever people are in a tight spot, I used to believe standing back, and keeping my advice and hands to myself until they found the strength on their own to get back up onto their feet, was my way of respecting them, and the sheer way of making them learn something useful. Well, I am not that cruel, maybe until they really need help.
But the question is, when should I intervene, and stop waiting for them to find the strength they need on their own?
I know that I should do unto others what I want them to do for me, and that is exactly why. I want them to show the same respect for my self ability.
And people seem to reprimand me for this, calling me heartless.
Well, I have got to say that is not true, but I do think I may need to m ake a few changes, I will give that much credit.
Also, it's just another one of the days where I feel the need to record my thoughts down before I forget them, like almost everything else after I am done with them. Which is usually everyday.
Okay, high time I stopped confusing everyone around with my long, seemingly meaniningless words.
And time I got straight to the point.
Ever since I do not know when (What useful details I provide), whenever people are in a tight spot, I used to believe standing back, and keeping my advice and hands to myself until they found the strength on their own to get back up onto their feet, was my way of respecting them, and the sheer way of making them learn something useful. Well, I am not that cruel, maybe until they really need help.
But the question is, when should I intervene, and stop waiting for them to find the strength they need on their own?
I know that I should do unto others what I want them to do for me, and that is exactly why. I want them to show the same respect for my self ability.
And people seem to reprimand me for this, calling me heartless.
Well, I have got to say that is not true, but I do think I may need to m ake a few changes, I will give that much credit.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Chapter 34: Higher... or Lower Purposes
I have never really believed in a God or almighty force surrounding the universe. I suppose it was because of my surroundings that I grew up around. Despite the fact that I went to a school that emphasised so much on the blessings of God. I guess I never found reason to, since most everything that happened did not seem like a work of his at that time, and all the mistakes I made seemed to compile up, and I quite seemed to know that it was all my fault.
But history seems to be repeating itself this time around. Once, there was a time when everything seemed to go wrong, and even if something good did happen, what ever came about later just crossed it out. Whenever I tried my best and went my furthest, it just was not good enough.
Things did lighten up for maybe two to three years, but at the end of it all, it began to slide down, and disappear. Sure, some futile struggling occured, for maybe two to three years, but that all died down, and I could not seem to gather anything more, and everything seemed numb, no matter how much I cried out within.
If there is a force controlling all around, I can pretty much guess what this means. It probably means he wants me to move on from what I am doing. But if there is still hope, I would very much like a sign. Just a simple one would do.
Enough of this tortured life though.
Moving on, I came to learn something these days. Everyone has a little darkness within, no matter how -holier-than-thou they pretend to be. Some just cannot controll this darkness. The most glaring of all is their pride and ignorance, a very potent mix. I also realised another thing. If they do not like being proven wrong, then there is no point in talking to them, the control tyrants who pretend to be angels in the sky.
Everyone thinks that they suffer the most, and deserve the most pity. They unconciously think the world revolves around them, like it or not. But have they ever opened their eyes? Have they ever seen and acted compassionately when others suffered as they are now?
Ignorance is a very dangerous thing.
Until then.
But history seems to be repeating itself this time around. Once, there was a time when everything seemed to go wrong, and even if something good did happen, what ever came about later just crossed it out. Whenever I tried my best and went my furthest, it just was not good enough.
Things did lighten up for maybe two to three years, but at the end of it all, it began to slide down, and disappear. Sure, some futile struggling occured, for maybe two to three years, but that all died down, and I could not seem to gather anything more, and everything seemed numb, no matter how much I cried out within.
If there is a force controlling all around, I can pretty much guess what this means. It probably means he wants me to move on from what I am doing. But if there is still hope, I would very much like a sign. Just a simple one would do.
Enough of this tortured life though.
Moving on, I came to learn something these days. Everyone has a little darkness within, no matter how -holier-than-thou they pretend to be. Some just cannot controll this darkness. The most glaring of all is their pride and ignorance, a very potent mix. I also realised another thing. If they do not like being proven wrong, then there is no point in talking to them, the control tyrants who pretend to be angels in the sky.
Everyone thinks that they suffer the most, and deserve the most pity. They unconciously think the world revolves around them, like it or not. But have they ever opened their eyes? Have they ever seen and acted compassionately when others suffered as they are now?
Ignorance is a very dangerous thing.
Until then.
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