Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Chapter 71: A Bark

I find it hard to believe I chose to post a new chapter as an activity since I cannot seem to sleep, even though it is this late.

It appears that I have a habit of spending my holidays staying up a little late, and just thinking and wandering about.

Sometimes, or maybe I should say, most of the time, thinking of regrets and troubles I cannot find a way to express in plain words, and that I cannot be bothered to share with even my family and friends. Not even with God if there is one. Because these troubles and regrets are something that I know are only as natural as the rising sun, and should and cannot be neutralised in any way.

It's kind of hard to explain. I guess I can compare it to, perhaps, how you may dislike the sounds of crows in the late noon, but you know it is only natural for them to fly around and sound like they do. And that trying to stop this would bring about nothing good.

Besides such things, I guess my thoughts are also about the future. I feel a litte interested in what is to come, and a little upset that time is passing so quickly. Maybe it is a mixture of pleasant and unpleasant feelings.

But I have no reason to feel worried. Deep down, I know that no matter what may happen, or how I feel, the pasaage of time and events flow down, and just like always, I will carry on walking despite the destination being known.

Blocking or trying to avoid this passage is foolish and only brings about pain and suffering.

The passage is just like a river.

It will always flow, and my only task is give it my all throughout the whole river.

I cannot help but give less than 100%.

I want to, but the things we want and things we know we should do are often different, or at least in my case.

There was a time when as a younger child, I had the ability to be inspired and passionate about everything around me. I could actually be excited in all that I did.

I also believed that in the 90/10 rule.

But as times went by, I realised that in the things I want to do, time and time again, it has been proven that 90% is what is given to you, and 10% is from your own effort.

Ever since then, my spirit is just something that I crudely superglued together in an attempt to piece together again. Only with the illusion and unanswered faith in a bright future.

All these motivational talk conmen... you liars. All they did was sell hope, like a glorified drug.

Another thing I have been thinking about, is how I never seem to gather the will to brutally retaliate.

Often, I threaten, but at the end of the day, I easily forget about it and just let it go.

Maybe I am a bit of a coward, and that my own bark is worse than my bite, and nothing else.

Sigh. It worked. All this writing has made me sleepy.

Until then.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Chapter 70: Of Words and Men

Finally, it's the 70th chapter! A miracle considering how much I have been neglecting the blog and procastinating!

Time to do the norm and have a little reflection on this very anniversary.

If there is one thing I have to reflect on, it is why I created such a blog in the first place. Obviously, this blog has gone through so many changes and evolved quite far.

This includes the topics, the writing style and maybe some changes to the site appearance. Still as black, plain and pictureless as ever though.

I have never been one who likes using words, unless I need to kill some time, which is partially why I created this blog.

Sometimes, it isn't because I have no concern over anything. Just that I dislike talking unless I see how it solves the problem. Generall, I see talking as a waste of time for most of the day, which is why I primarily use it as a time waster.

But lately I wonder if I should just close this blog down until I get the spirit of things going within me again.

I have a lot of questions in mind that I wish I had some clues towards the answers I seek. What exactly am I to do? Is there something that I can truly pour my whole soul in? Or do I remain as a drone? An average droning citizen. Surely there must be something I can equate my life to.

I can't seem to be put as much passion into life as I used too in my younger days unless I know my true purpose.

I need to find myself again.

Until then though. All hail the tomeoftruth blog! =D

Friday, March 26, 2010

Chapter 69: Promotion Ranks and New Credit Transfers

Time for me to recap on everything that has happened thus far.

I finally get promoted from braces to retainers, and someone's been using my alternate email address to register for warcraft, or world of warcraft, whichever it is, game account. but obviously failed to hack it. And I know the reason why. Heh. Fools.

And, my expectations, or should I say, predictions for the module I can get transfer of credits for so long as I do some work required for it is right. It happens to be Human Bio and Diseases, quite similar to Anatomy and Physiology which I studied before, and fortunately passed.

That's all for now, so until then.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Chapter 68: Time to Unleash the Chains

If all goes well, the braces which I have gotten so used to these few years should be taken off today.

But like I said, not that it matters too much to me. I've gotten so used to them that I don't even feel them, except maybe when they change and tighten them for me.

The only difference here is that I will be partially free, other than the retainers which I actually have no clue what they look like or how they should be used. But I will be able to eat anything I want without the Dentist complaining.

Can't believe there was a point when I refuesed to get bracing done though. I guess it's the same with getting a new pair of shoes. I get used to them, sooner or later.

Oh well.

Until then.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Chapter 67: It's Not Easy Having A Positive Perspective

Looking back, I have little choice but to admit to myself that my views on my surroundings look too cynical and dark. But it isn't easy to have a positive view on everything.

What I mean is, I tend to see the world as working in perfect order, as it has always been, in perfect balance.

That much I have to agree.

But what gives me a cynical impression of things around me is that everything seems to be based on a predictable and over glorified, infinite loop.

Believe me in this. I want to see the world as something that everyone of us aspires it to be for the brighter future.

But I want and what it looks like is entirely different.

But you know, it's just not easy to be a optimist. If I had one wish in the whole world, it would be to have the ability to see and charge towards the light, while fighting off the darkness all around.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Chapter 66: Perfect Harmony

Another morning, another brand new day. And everything seems to be in order. Let us check the list again.

Here I am, with a set of module notes with me, awaiting another day of either examinations, projects or assignments. Check.

And the roulette seems to have landed on final examinations period. Among the population of those involve. we have those who slack, those who burrow their minds into their module notes very much consistently, and those who have a mixture of both activites of various degrees.

We also have those who are on the verg of, or already have a breakdown.

Check.

As is always, people are trying their best to change the world into what they think is ideal or better, typically with winners enjoying the spoils of victory, and losers walking away in pain, either giving up or plotting their next attempt for revenge.

All this can sometimes involve hypocrites and false hope.

Another check on the list.

Part of the losers think they are suffering the most and intend to stay that way. Society usually preaches the typical 'don't give up' speech on them, which has a high chance of working.

Check.

Yes. The world certainly is in perfect harmony and working order, as it always has been.

Until then.