Chapter 34: Higher... or Lower Purposes

I have never really believed in a God or almighty force surrounding the universe. I suppose it was because of my surroundings that I grew up around. Despite the fact that I went to a school that emphasised so much on the blessings of God. I guess I never found reason to, since most everything that happened did not seem like a work of his at that time, and all the mistakes I made seemed to compile up, and I quite seemed to know that it was all my fault.

But history seems to be repeating itself this time around. Once, there was a time when everything seemed to go wrong, and even if something good did happen, what ever came about later just crossed it out. Whenever I tried my best and went my furthest, it just was not good enough.

Things did lighten up for maybe two to three years, but at the end of it all, it began to slide down, and disappear. Sure, some futile struggling occured, for maybe two to three years, but that all died down, and I could not seem to gather anything more, and everything seemed numb, no matter how much I cried out within.

If there is a force controlling all around, I can pretty much guess what this means. It probably means he wants me to move on from what I am doing. But if there is still hope, I would very much like a sign. Just a simple one would do.

Enough of this tortured life though.

Moving on, I came to learn something these days. Everyone has a little darkness within, no matter how -holier-than-thou they pretend to be. Some just cannot controll this darkness. The most glaring of all is their pride and ignorance, a very potent mix. I also realised another thing. If they do not like being proven wrong, then there is no point in talking to them, the control tyrants who pretend to be angels in the sky.

Everyone thinks that they suffer the most, and deserve the most pity. They unconciously think the world revolves around them, like it or not. But have they ever opened their eyes? Have they ever seen and acted compassionately when others suffered as they are now?

Ignorance is a very dangerous thing.

Until then.